At 24 years old, finished university, I met a guy who used heroin, I fell in love and we got together. In the end he was so different from me, I also liked to get high… I thought my life could not get worst than this. Since then, however, everything sank. After a short time there I fell myself. It was inevitable. Before I knew it, it was too late… my only thoughts become drugs, only drugs. Everything revolved around that and all the rest I did not give a shit about.
Then something changed, I met Luca and he used drugs. We fell in love. We understood each other; we’ve been thought the same experiences, the same feelings. We really loved each other, and because of this love we got the courage to get clean from drugs…together, shortly after I was pregnant with first daughter, Gaia. I wanted to do things right this time. I wanted her to have a happy childhood, have a normal baby, a united family. A mother always present, attending to her every need and the beautiful thing was I was succeeding. We were happy, we had our family, the help of my parents They were always present for us and Gaia, finally everything seemed prefect; but it’s really hard to resist the sneaky call of drugs, its stronger than anything else and its her that commands, that takes control, you are nothing anymore you think you are able to handle the situation, but it is not so, you are trapped in its grip before you know it. I thought I’d be able to keep tabs on the situation; I was able to be present and take care of my daughter although I was using substances. I felt I could do it, but it wasn’t like that, it was all an illusion. I thought I could continue and be there for my daughter, but the reality was the drug was taking me deeper and deeper, it was taking away the ability to feel emotions, feelings, sensations and thus I was unable to notice those of others, others of my child. Then unexpectedly I was pregnant a second time and Alessio was now born. Now I could no longer hide my secret. I began to be followed by social workers. The situation was becoming truly dramatic, if I hadn’t thought about changing my life, they would have taken my children away. I couldn’t let this happen. I have a choice…this time I should just do it, once and for all. I had to do it not only for me, but also especially for my children. I made the best choice of my life: I was going to be the mother I had always wanted to be for my children. Them they deserved more … I deserved more …
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